Written on: Thursday, February 21, 2008 Time: 6:58 AM
best-friend.
deanne said this word can only consist of ONE person. now i feel crammpped. everywhere i go, i think. when i'm eating, i think. when i'm in school, i think. when i wake up, i think. even now, i'm still thinking.
is 'bestfriend' only a name? or it has a really huge meaning in it? if someone calls you their 'bestfriend', what and how do you feel. would you treasure that person wholeheartedly? or give her back a 'you're my bestie too' kinda thing but dont even mean it?
i feeel soo soo lost. theres like two paths i gotta walk into, but which one? there isnt a sign to say 'choose one'. but probably, through these fights, i should learn to set my priorities right and care more about people's feelings.
kay, i've got two friends who means the WHOLE WORLD to me.
one of them, whom has been my bestest bestest friend for years. i dont say it out that often. in fact, i dont say it at all. that feeeling is all the way, deep in my heart and i know myself i treasure her so much and i have so much faith in her till i dont even get angry with her. but what i neglected, was her feelings. i didnt know i was sucha bitch till i read her blog. and it isnt the first time we talked about this. its like the second fight outta the whole of our friendship. (counting out those coloured armpit days) and through this fight, i've learnt alot and i know how and what i feel. she means too much till i cant find anymore words to say. i cant even form it into a sentence. and thats one thing i blame myself for. un-expressive feelings. i feeel it all the time from another friend and i realised i'm just like her. if i learnt how to show it out, probably that fight wouldnt have happened. anw, i'm really really glad to have you back. reallllly glad. no. overjoyed. i promise, this time, i'm gonna care more about how you feel and not through fights to wake me up again. i really apologise for the delayy. i was really feeling lost and stupid. i cant even carry out a simple duty as a bestfriend or towards my bestfriend. gaaaah. i seriously needa work on that. ily kay. and sorry for not hugging you today. ): i didnt have the courage to do so. ]; i know i've hurt you badly, and i know i gotta make alot alot of amendments to it. love you hons. loads. i'm gonna try start expressing moreeeee to youuuuu. ;D thats my task. <3
the other, i tell her almost everyday that shes my bestie. its like a routine. but till now, we've never had a proper and decent lunch. even if we had, its not complete. awkward-ness filled everywhere. we dont even have eye-contact when we talk to each other. we fight almost everyday. but she just dunno why i'll get pissed and why i get annoyed. and even now and then, fights happen, i'm always the first one to apologise even if i was the one who felt hurt by her badly. but i had to apologise cause i really dont wanna let this friendship come to an end cause i have faith that i do mean something to her like what she always tell me. but everytime, that faith DROPPS almosts everyday. and i had to make that effort to bring it up again and probably she'll just think i'm weird and an unreasonable freak that always get angry over lil things. i aint saying i dont get angry over lil things. i know i do. and i'm trying not to and i'm sure she knows. i apologise and make it entirely my fault whenever things happens. she cant express to me and stuff, its okay. i wont push it further as i know we'll start to quarrel again.
but this recent one just proves how lil she cares for me. not even a S-I-N-G-L-E message from her when i expected one. i've enough kay. i tried to be nice all the time. but that effing msg sent by her friend was just atrociously, disgustingly sent. you know i dont like her. i didnt say you should tell her off. at least do your responsibility as MY friend and stop her from sending it. issit too hard to do that when you could even stop me from looking into your phone? isnt that bias or what? you know i get jealous and angry easily and i'm already trying very hard not to. so in order to save your friendship with her, you choose to shatter mine. if you think probably i wont feel anything if your friend send me that, probably you dunno who i really am. in the first place, i wasnt even angry with you. what pisses me off was your friend and your attitude after that. its like you're blaming me or something. and if you were really the one that typed your friend was some bomb or something, just so you know, i was acting jealous in that message till i found out who typed it.
i'm not getting all pissed and all for nothing. i dont wanna waste my time and be all so down because of you. again. its like a never ending cycle. how much more do you want me to think you dont care for me. how much more do you want me to get stressed out over you. just how much more do you want me to do. i appreciate those lovely things you do this year. it makes me realise how much i mean to you. but once that feeling rises, it rises. and once it drops, it drops all-the-way and I have to pick it up by myself and wonder how do you feel at this point of time. and i aint typing this like how my intentions were last time, to get you sad, guilty and all that. this time round, i want you to think. it aint that difficult to show how much you care for someone and i know you can do it as you did the things i could never imagine. but think about how i feel when this trust in you drops in me and it seem like you're doing nothing about it. i'm sure you know once we dont message, somethings wrong. unless you wanna change the habit of us. but still, this aint the first time. and i aint making it big. i'm just trying to get you back, but probably in another way. in this way, probably i'd be able to realise you do care and probably it'll be a way for you to tell me what to do next. the rest is up to you.
1 down, 1 more to go..
Written on: Thursday, February 21, 2008 Time: 6:58 AM
best-friend.
deanne said this word can only consist of ONE person. now i feel crammpped. everywhere i go, i think. when i'm eating, i think. when i'm in school, i think. when i wake up, i think. even now, i'm still thinking.
is 'bestfriend' only a name? or it has a really huge meaning in it? if someone calls you their 'bestfriend', what and how do you feel. would you treasure that person wholeheartedly? or give her back a 'you're my bestie too' kinda thing but dont even mean it?
i feeel soo soo lost. theres like two paths i gotta walk into, but which one? there isnt a sign to say 'choose one'. but probably, through these fights, i should learn to set my priorities right and care more about people's feelings.
kay, i've got two friends who means the WHOLE WORLD to me.
one of them, whom has been my bestest bestest friend for years. i dont say it out that often. in fact, i dont say it at all. that feeeling is all the way, deep in my heart and i know myself i treasure her so much and i have so much faith in her till i dont even get angry with her. but what i neglected, was her feelings. i didnt know i was sucha bitch till i read her blog. and it isnt the first time we talked about this. its like the second fight outta the whole of our friendship. (counting out those coloured armpit days) and through this fight, i've learnt alot and i know how and what i feel. she means too much till i cant find anymore words to say. i cant even form it into a sentence. and thats one thing i blame myself for. un-expressive feelings. i feeel it all the time from another friend and i realised i'm just like her. if i learnt how to show it out, probably that fight wouldnt have happened. anw, i'm really really glad to have you back. reallllly glad. no. overjoyed. i promise, this time, i'm gonna care more about how you feel and not through fights to wake me up again. i really apologise for the delayy. i was really feeling lost and stupid. i cant even carry out a simple duty as a bestfriend or towards my bestfriend. gaaaah. i seriously needa work on that. ily kay. and sorry for not hugging you today. ): i didnt have the courage to do so. ]; i know i've hurt you badly, and i know i gotta make alot alot of amendments to it. love you hons. loads. i'm gonna try start expressing moreeeee to youuuuu. ;D thats my task. <3
the other, i tell her almost everyday that shes my bestie. its like a routine. but till now, we've never had a proper and decent lunch. even if we had, its not complete. awkward-ness filled everywhere. we dont even have eye-contact when we talk to each other. we fight almost everyday. but she just dunno why i'll get pissed and why i get annoyed. and even now and then, fights happen, i'm always the first one to apologise even if i was the one who felt hurt by her badly. but i had to apologise cause i really dont wanna let this friendship come to an end cause i have faith that i do mean something to her like what she always tell me. but everytime, that faith DROPPS almosts everyday. and i had to make that effort to bring it up again and probably she'll just think i'm weird and an unreasonable freak that always get angry over lil things. i aint saying i dont get angry over lil things. i know i do. and i'm trying not to and i'm sure she knows. i apologise and make it entirely my fault whenever things happens. she cant express to me and stuff, its okay. i wont push it further as i know we'll start to quarrel again.
but this recent one just proves how lil she cares for me. not even a S-I-N-G-L-E message from her when i expected one. i've enough kay. i tried to be nice all the time. but that effing msg sent by her friend was just atrociously, disgustingly sent. you know i dont like her. i didnt say you should tell her off. at least do your responsibility as MY friend and stop her from sending it. issit too hard to do that when you could even stop me from looking into your phone? isnt that bias or what? you know i get jealous and angry easily and i'm already trying very hard not to. so in order to save your friendship with her, you choose to shatter mine. if you think probably i wont feel anything if your friend send me that, probably you dunno who i really am. in the first place, i wasnt even angry with you. what pisses me off was your friend and your attitude after that. its like you're blaming me or something. and if you were really the one that typed your friend was some bomb or something, just so you know, i was acting jealous in that message till i found out who typed it.
i'm not getting all pissed and all for nothing. i dont wanna waste my time and be all so down because of you. again. its like a never ending cycle. how much more do you want me to think you dont care for me. how much more do you want me to get stressed out over you. just how much more do you want me to do. i appreciate those lovely things you do this year. it makes me realise how much i mean to you. but once that feeling rises, it rises. and once it drops, it drops all-the-way and I have to pick it up by myself and wonder how do you feel at this point of time. and i aint typing this like how my intentions were last time, to get you sad, guilty and all that. this time round, i want you to think. it aint that difficult to show how much you care for someone and i know you can do it as you did the things i could never imagine. but think about how i feel when this trust in you drops in me and it seem like you're doing nothing about it. i'm sure you know once we dont message, somethings wrong. unless you wanna change the habit of us. but still, this aint the first time. and i aint making it big. i'm just trying to get you back, but probably in another way. in this way, probably i'd be able to realise you do care and probably it'll be a way for you to tell me what to do next. the rest is up to you.
1 down, 1 more to go..
Dirty FUNK!
ANNE
IJTP
Secondary Three Ten
bestfriendstilldawn_8@hotmail.com
Don't want no paper gangsta, not interested in fakers.
